This story is fiction and surprisingly, starts from the end... It's like a flashback. Its ok if you think you are missing the beginning and dont understand, thats how its supposed to be. She's dying and she is having a flashback to where everything had taken place... like the story says.
Chapter One.
There I was, on the muddy ground of the devil, facing death itself. The wounds that had been caused ached and the blood loss weakened me; a sign, I was defeated. All these years of fighting evil and trying to make peace with other tribes, were nothingness, gone. I tried to fight, to survive, but I couldn't. I knew this was a dead end, for me, and for the poor witches and wizards I brought alongside. Guilt overwhelmed me, they are all in the devils belly, as the expression says, and soon, I'd be the cause, for their deaths.
';Stay with me Amelia!'; a familiar voice shouted over my head. It was the man I loved so much and was afraid to lose over the years, but the wheel turned, and he is now losing me. I weakly turned my head to look at him. He stood behind the bars; his long black hair smoothly over his shoulders and his ripped clothes indicated that he was wounded, but not as much as me.
';Julian,'; I said, not louder than a whisper, ';I love you.';
';Stay with me Amelia!'; he shouted again as my eyes started to close, ';I love you too much to watch you die and I promise you...I promise I'll get you out. We'll get married as planned, remember? A reason to fight. Fight Amelia, fight; stay with me!';
I closed my eyes shut, trying to remember the time I chose to become a witch and leave what was already built, behind me.
After this part will be the memories that she will have.... this is where the story begins.
10 points are waiting for you!!
Thank You.A 10 point question for a story criticism?
okay. i like it, very much so. you had an unneeded comma at ';i'd be the cause, of their deaths'; take out the comma. and when he's telling her about the whole, ';we'll get married'; try adding some other plans they had. like babies, house, dogs...whatever. have it a little more emotional, to grab the heart of the reader. have him crying, trying to smile like everything would be alright, that sort of thing.
i really like this. PLEASE, when you get more, email it to me. i love reading and critiquing.
hoope this helps. :)A 10 point question for a story criticism?
It was very good but i think it is slightly confusing with her being a witch but haveing a tribe? You should think about that but good work! Keep writing!
i think it's really good. i like the way you decided to start at the end for your story. it's unique
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