IS MY STORY GOOD! PLEASE COMMENT!?

These are 2 parts of my story! please comment but do not be rude! And the mom kills herself just to let you know!


Claiborne Hanson let tears roll down his face as he thought to himself. I was supposed to go first; I’m not supposed to sit at my wife’s funeral only six years after we eloped! It was true; it had been a slow and great six years until his youngest daughter, Sophie had been diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. After Sophie had been sick for a long while, they had begun to think that it was just the flu going around from children in her daycare, but the daycare teacher had notified them that no one in the class had, had the flu or any illness.


Over the next few days things got worse. Sophie sometimes never left her bed or changed clothes all day. She had a sudden loss of appetite and sweated during the night and had fevers and infections more often than usual for a child. So finally Claiborne and Amanda took Sophie to the hospital. That was the second worse day of Claiborne’s life. Multitudes of test and lad work were performed on his five year old daughter. The doctors had made it look as if Sophie was an innocent lad rat that the high school teenagers had experimented on.


Later, the doctor, Dave McAlister, called us into his office. Claiborne had tried to block this horrible day out of his memory, but the only thing that he could remember about Doctor McAlister’s office was the big poster on the wall that read: An apple a day, keeps the doctor away! Oh! I wish we had known that before all this began. Claiborne thought to himself.


Claiborne had worked tremendously hard trying to forget this dreaded moment, but somehow the memory would not fade away no matter how horrible it was. The doctor walked in. Wearing his blue scrubs, sweat trickling down his forehead and wetting his brow.


“I really don’t want to be the one too tell you these but Sophie looks as if she may have a rare form of leukemia.


“What type?” Amanda had asked shocked and tears in her eyes. Claiborne had remembered the way her golden hair had looked shining in the light and her hazel brown eyes crinkled the way that made her look confused.


“It is a rare case of leukemia. It’s called Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. Also known as CML.


“This cannot be happening! How did it happen?” Amanda had screamed. Claiborne had still remembered it perfectly. After he told us the news he then told us everything we would need to know about CML.


“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Hanson, CML is a slow growing cancer in which the bone marrow produces to many white blood cells.” He said as he pushed up his glasses with his nose. “White blood cells help fight infection and diseases.”


“Then what’s the problem? How?” Amanda screamed at the doctor.


“Well, because leukemia cells look different than normal blood cells and they don’t function correctly.” He said wiping away sweat form his forehead. Clay stared at Amanda who was breaking out into tears.


“I just wanted….wanted her to be normal!” She shrieked.


“I know but right now Sophie is in the chronic phase of CML.”


“What’s that?” Claiborne asked impatiently.


“Well there are three phases. The first is the chronic phase. This is just the start of the disease in which a patient only has a few blasts. A blast is an immature leukemia cell. The second phase is the accelerated phase in which the cells raise 15%. And finally the third stage is blastic phase. This is when 30% more cells are blast. This phase can cause tumors outside the bone marrow and into the bone or lymph nodes.”


“This means that chronic leukemia has become an acute and fast growing leukemia.” Clay finished for the doctor.


“Correct” McAlister replied.


“How did you know that?” Amanda asked.


“My grandma had the same thing wrong with her!”


“Oh, that’s good so that you know how things will work.”


“Yeah I know just a small bit though.”


“That’s better than nothing.”


“Well what about a donor?”


“You need to get one, or one of you could donate? We would need blood samples and other stuff done to see if you’re a match. But over the years she will need bone marrow and stem cell transplants.” Clay and Amanda tested to see if they were matches but neither of them was. They would need a willing donor.


“Well what do we do?”


“Chemotherapy” He replied.


“When do we need to start?”


“Within the next 2 days so come tomorrow I suppose.”


“What are the chances of her being cured?” Clay asked, but McAlister seemed to ignore him.





here's the second part! When Clay gets drunk! this is much later in the story!





Lawson had not told anyone at the office that the bar was a total rip off! Clay was stunned at the prices that were on the menu. It was $20 for a plate of fried shrimp, French fries, and onion rings.


“Lawson! You said this place was affordable!” Shouted Allie, one of Clay’s co-workers.


“Yeah!” Everyone aggraded in unison. Clay had just passed up the meal had went straight to the bar. He had not drunk for oIS MY STORY GOOD! PLEASE COMMENT!?
It sounds pretty good, you pay a lot of attention to detail, but it reminds me a lot of my sister's keeper.IS MY STORY GOOD! PLEASE COMMENT!?
I recommend finding a beta reader. Your grammar could use some work.
it sucks, get some work done and maybe it might just be worth the few seconds of my life