Ok so for Christmas and her birthday my dad buys her a 2000 dollar ring (not marriage ring or engagement, just a ring) and for my birthday that is coming up, I wanted to get my teeth cosmetically whitened at the dentists's which would cost something like 400 dollars. Anyway, I have no problem with him spending money on her, after all its not my loss, its his problem that he married a ******* leach. The thing that gets to me is how she pretends to 'worry' about my health, claiming I'm significantly causing harm to myself. She whined when spent MY OWN MONEY coloring my hair, and now this. I'm sick of it, she's crazy territorial... She has her own 'room' downstairs that I'm 'not allowed' to go in to, unless I want a 24 hour bad-looks-and-mean-comments show. Even if I were to use HER sunscreen lotion, or HER golf club or anything, she would whine and yell like I stole her parents ashes. Good grief. And the worse thing is, my dad thinks its perfectly okay for her to act out in this immature way...helloooo who is the 50 year old adult and who is the 15 year old teen. When she was threatening me and calling my dead mother a pig because I corrected her over something trivial like going to bed in half hour, make your lunch, my dad says nothing or sides with her. Its no fair, I'm a good kid I get good grades and rarely complain. She acts like an out of control 2-faced physco. She acts all sex-in-the-city personality on the phone to her friends, and when she confronts me, she calls my mom a pig, and says I should move out, ungrateful b*tch. What can I do I can't stand this woman she's been around since I was 6 months old when my momma moved out and I've had to live full time for 3 years since my momma died. My dad is not about to divorce her, he'd lose half his estate and that means more to him than his own kids, trust me. I've called child services before but my dad worked against me and said alls fine. I have no other family besides my bro and he can barely look after himself. All my friends are too superficial and my boyfriend's momma isn't an option because my dad and step-mom are racists. Is there anyway I can tough it through? The yelling and insults make me so frustrated I just wanna pull my hair out and bang my head on the floor. Its hard to go through it when no one seems to love you in your own home. I've talked to my councelor at school and he thinks I'm a faker but called my dad and he of course calmed the conflict and so if I go back, the councelor will just make me embarrassed. What should I do, think, say...? Its never ending, I swear once I'm 18 I'm leaving the country and never looking back. This question has totally spun off course from my main question, but I never find anyone to vent to except my bf, and I feel bad for him, having to listen to a depressed whiny girl when he deserves someone upbeat and happy. So anyway, if you're still reading thanks and any advice or support is appreciated very much. Thanks.Severe family issues? Father, step-mom? Help?
Dude I had a similar situation except my precious mother sent me to live with my dad and step mom and my dad was the one doing all the name calling. All you can do is act like they don't exist. I seriously spent the last two years of my high school in my room. Its seriously effed that your step mom said that about your mom. My dad thought his wife was a precious gem until she cornered me and started hitting me and even then he told me that I need counseling and should be apologizing to her for her backing her 400 pound self against my 140 pound self. You obviously don't have your license right? I'm assuming cuz your 15, so I'm not gonna sit here and tell you oh you just need to work it out, because there is nothing you can do. It comes down to she's his wife and he has to have companionship or some bull **** like that. Seriously just spend all the time you can away from home and when you are home in your room. I moved out the day after i graduated, you for real have to finish high school though, whatever you decide to do. I know that everyone tells you that probably but it's true. I've been in a similar situation as you. Get an ipod or mp3 player and some head phones, that's what i did. And don't show that evil witch any more than she shows you. I wouldn't and I didn't. Next time she tells you to move out tell her listen here you C U Next Tuesday (look at the capitals) that's against the effin law so unless you wanna be spending some time with big bertha in the big house i wouldn't suggest kicking me out (tell her it's a little thing called neglect.) i am sorry i couldn't help you more. If you wanna email me sometime I'll talk to you and so you can vent. My email is hornet_chick_16@hotmail.com I'm Kylee by the way.Severe family issues? Father, step-mom? Help?
just tell them
If your are 15 years old an tired of that stuff call child protective services an tell them you are living in abusive household an wish to be removed. If your father try to stop it just tell him you already packed your bags just let you go. I suggest you first of all exhaust all other options which is call your Aunts an Uncles an see if they have a room for you. If you can't find an Aunt or Uncle find grandma or Grandpa an ask them to make room for you.
Blended families are tough- really tough. I know you're frustrated, but you can't change the fact that your dad remarried, or change the personality of your step mom. But- you can change your attitude %26amp; your behavior. (Wait- read on....) Treat your step mom with respect %26amp; kindness. Don't correct her (why bother- it doesn't help- does it?) If your behavior is exceptional, then what does your step mom have to complain to you about?
I understand your frustrations about your dad spending lots of money on your step mom, but don't compare yourself to her. Your dad loves you %26amp; you are his daughter- that will never change. A step mom doesn't take your place or make you any less important to your dad- don't worry about that.
Check out my Teen Page (where Teens give advice to other teens in blended families) for more information. (See below.)
Shirley
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC
Founder of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Unfortunately, I don't think Child protective services wont do anything for you because this isn't physical abuse, its emotional and verbal.
Your best bet is to stick it out until you are 18, then you can get away.. Have you spoken to your father about this alone? make sure she is not around and make sure to let him know that you feel she is taking precedence over you and that is not right.
I think you are probably doing well as far as being the adult over her. do not stoop to her level and play childish games, you can try to avoid her and dismiss her every time she tries to start anything up but if you decide to act out that will only hurt you more and make things harder for you.
You can also try going back to your counselor and ask him (or a new one) to please not contact your father and please spend time with you alone and help YOU out, ask that they not get your father involved because you felt it was detrimental when it happened before. If they cannot do that then that may not be a good resource but you may be able to see a counselor outside of the school in a youth organization that wont contact your parents or call a hot-line and at least be able to talk to someone over the phone..
I hope this helps.. be tough, its not that much longer!
Dear little girl,
Im sorry to hear this. All i cud see is ur suffering and lack of love from ur family. Ive been through this, from my experience i wud tell u dear, wait for ur time ie wait till u cud discover how to get rid of this mess n find how to be happy, U r still young to handle this alone. if possible, take help n support from ur dear ones.
In my case i felt same, more or little less. ive suffered this for 8 years. Now im stronger, ive figured out how to handle this, that u'll come to know as u grow. Difficulties make u stronger, now i wont worry a bit abt upcoming sorrow or difficulty coz ive been in all difficult situations, its just going to be repeatation if a prblm arrives. Trust me, now im cool than ever in my life coz of difficulties. Its like learning to play a game in depth, facing all difficult situations in it, so that whenever u cm across such situations u kn how to handle. Now its easy for me, i know how to play this game called life!! it just takes time n patience.
Always remember this,
';Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.'; - This is for u. Apply this in your life, it helps.
U can also go thru ';How to stop worrying n start living'; book, worth reading, illustrates with numerous stories.
Try different activities, take a trip, spend time with ur dear ones etc.
Move out of ur home asap but be sure of the life ahead.
Share ur feelings n difficulties with one who loves u n take support from them.
Feel free to write to me anytime dear.
I know that once you start reading my answer that it will upset you about what I have to say. But you need to try not to get upset because what I have to say I say it only because I am trying to show you what I think is going on with you. Read everything carefully before you come to a conclusion. You should also not think that I want to get on your case because this is not my intention. My concern is only about you and the situation that you are in today.
I think that some of the problems that you having that you have created them. I don鈥檛 think that you meant to create them. But I have a feeling that you don鈥檛 realize that you have created them. It seems that everybody that surrounds you is superficial. But everybody cannot be superficial. It seems that you cannot get along with anyone. And anything that happens to you, you put the blame on others. And you make you pass as a victim. Even the counselor at your school believes that you are a faker. So that should be telling you that there are things about you that you need to change. If you want your parent's to change then you have to change also.
You are making a big thing about your stepmother when she gets upset at you for using her sun screen or whatever else you use that belongs to her. But she has a right to get upset because the things that you take that belongs to her does not belong to you. And maybe this is why she has her own room downstairs because she wants that to be private. And there is nothing wrong with your stepmother wanting to have her own room. The only problem here is that when you want something you don't ask for it and then you get upset because she gets upset at you. I think you really need to think this through and you need to start searching your soul to see if there are things that you can change about you.
I think you came here to vent about how your life has been difficult because you don't accept your stepmother. But I can see things that you have been doing that you are making your dad and your stepmother lives also miserable. If you want things to work while you are still living at home then there are lots of things that you are going to have to change about you. Don't get me wrong. I'm not here to put all the blame on you. But you need to see that you also are part of the problem. The only way you are going to be able to survive living with your parent's is if you start changing who you have become.
You seem to be very frustrated and I don't think it all has to do with your stepmother. I have a feeling that you are angry at the whole world because you lost your mother and you haven't been able to deal with it. You are probably very angry at your mom because you probably feel that she abandoned you when she passed away. And I have a feeling that this is what you need to work on so you can get along with your stepmother and your dad. You need to remind you that you are not a bad person but you that you need to get this huge load that you have been carrying on your shoulders for the past 3 years. I think you should talk to your school counselor about the loss of your mom and need to ask him or her if this is what could be really going on with you and why you feel so left out and so angry all the time. And take it from there. Try not to be too hard on you because something did happen that has brought you to this but you need to try to understand more about whom you really are. I know if you can sort out everything since your mom passed away that you will see why so much negative things have been going on with you. And once you can work on what needs to be worked on then you will become a new person. And your perspective on life will change. I hope that you didn鈥檛 think that I was offending to you in any way because this was not my intention. I only want what is best for you and I think you should want that for you also. And for you to get what is best for you would be for you to free you from a past that is still hurting you today.
Just think of the fact that more people have greater problems than yours but they choose to stay since they have faith that time will change their situation. At your age, I believe that you are mature enough to understand that God won't give trials that anyone can't overcome. If you can't live for your family, live for other people. Find someone you can count on. There are many people you can befriend. Just be humble enough. Life is not meaningful without trials.
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