Can you check my text? Please. :]?

I'm from Germany. It will be nice if someone look over my text.


In school we've got homework to make a leaflet about going veggie. With reasons.


Thx. :]





Reason #1 The Animals


Fish, sea animals or other submarine animals are highly intelligent. These animals have got memories and individual personalities. Scientists proof that sea animals feel suffer and pain like other animals.


Reason #2 Your Health


Fish lives with bacterial, toxic chemicals , foul, mercury and other polluters together that we never want to eat but anyone who eat fish flesh eat these things with every bite. But it is enough to eat one fish who has got mercury to get ill. Mercury is a toxic substance. The most common cause of mercury poisoning is the consumption of fish. The consequences are hair loss, fatigue, depression, difficulty concentrating and headaches.


Dr. Jane Hightower says “ We found that if people eat fish, the mercury goes up. They stop eating the fish, the mercury goes down. It’s that simple… It’s a documented poison.”





Some cases of mercury poisoning


A student of a football team was unable to catch a ball because he eat to much of tuna flesh.


The Chicago Tribune, a magazine, told a story about the little five year old Sofia who troubles with sounding words she already knew and forgot to tie her shoes. When she stop eating tuna flesh , she went back to normal.


Chicago Tribune says: “Mercury can damage the central nervous system … Almost all the mercury that people are exposed to comes from eating fish.“


Reason #3 The Environment


The populations of large fish species have dropped 90 percent over the last 50 years because of industrial fishing.


A 2006 report in the journal Science found that the oceans will be essentially empty of fish by the year 2048.





Many companies have now turning to fish farming , an another environmental disaster . These cruel underwater farms crimp thousand of fish into small pelvis.Can you check my text? Please. :]?
Reason #1 The Animals


[Fish, sea animals or other submarine-delete] animals are highly intelligent. These animals have got [possess] memories and individual personalities. Scientists [have proven] [proof-delete] that [sea-delete] animals feel suffer and pain like [we do] [other animals-delete].





Norm’s Note: Reason #1 is an ethical/moral argument. From a protein or dietary point of view, we could eat humans and the reason we don’t is strictly a moral choice by our society.





Reason #2 Your Health


[Fish lives with bacterial, toxic chemicals , foul, mercury and other polluters together that we never want to eat but anyone who eat fish flesh eat these things with every bite.-Delete/Rephrase] [The higher in the food chain a fish is the greater the accumulation of heavy metals such as mercury.] But it is enough to eat one fish who has got mercury to get ill. [Untrue-tuna and other fish we humans consume contain mercury. It is the accumulation of mercury in our bodies that creates the problem. The further up the food chain a fish is the higher the amount of mercury in the fish’s body.] Mercury is a toxic substance [how toxic is it? how much does it take to be fatal? One gram? One drop? One kilogram? You get the idea.]. The most common cause of mercury poisoning is the consumption of fish. The consequences [of what eating fish?] are hair loss, fatigue, depression, difficulty concentrating and headaches.


Dr. Jane Hightower [this is the first time you mention Dr Hightower. Give her bona fides to make her statement credible.] says “ We found that if people eat fish, the mercury goes up. They stop eating the fish, the mercury goes down. It’s that simple… It’s [mercury] a documented poison.”





[Some cases of mercury poisoning-delete]


[A student of a football team was unable to catch a ball because he eat to much of tuna flesh. –delete. There is not enough detail in this to be included. It needs the name of the student and high school, school location, and how much tuna he ate]


The Chicago Tribune, a magazine, told a story about the little five year old Sofia who [began having] troubles [with-delete] sounding words she already knew and forgot to tie her shoes. When she stop[ped] eating tuna flesh , she went back to normal.[Move Sofia’s story to before your Dr Hightower statement.]


[Chicago Tribune says: “Mercury can damage the central nervous system … Almost all the mercury that people are exposed to comes from eating fish.” – Note: delete or place in the body of text in Reason #2]





Reason #3 The Environment


The populations of large fish species [such as ?] have dropped 90 percent over the last 50 years because of industrial fishing. [Source?]


A 2006 report in the journal Science found that the oceans will be essentially empty of fish by the year 2048.





Many companies have [now turning to-delete] [begun] fish farming, [an-delete] another environmental disaster [Source?]. These cruel [moral judgment/argument not an environmental one] underwater farms [crimp-delete] thousand[s] of fish into [a] small [pelvis-delete] [area].Can you check my text? Please. :]?
Reason #1 The Animals


Fish, sea animals(,) (delete ';or';, add ';and';) other submarine animals are highly intelligent. These animals have (delete ';got';) memories and individual personalities. Scientists (change ';proof'; to ';prove';) that sea animals (delete ';feel';) suffer and (add ';feel';) pain like other animals.





* You don't need ';got'; after ';have';, because have shows your meaning effectively.


* ';Proof'; is a noun, but you want the verb, ';prove';


* It looks like you placed ';feel'; in the wrong place. Feel and suffer are both verbs, so you wouldn't say ';feel suffer'; together. but, ';pain'; is a noun. Here, it is used as a direct object after the verb, ';feel';.





Reason #2 Your Health


Fish (delete ';lives';, add ';live';) with bacterial, toxic chemicals, foul, mercury and other polluters (delete ';together';) that we never want to eat but anyone who (delete ';eat'; add ';eats';) fish flesh eat these things with every bite. But it is enough to eat one fish who has (delete ';got';) mercury to get ill. Mercury is a toxic substance. The most common cause of mercury poisoning is the consumption of fish. The consequences are hair loss, fatigue, depression, difficulty concentrating(,) and headaches.


Dr. Jane Hightower says “We found that if people eat fish, the mercury goes up. They stop eating the fish, the mercury goes down. It’s that simple… It’s a documented poison.”





* The noun, fish, though it has the same singular and plural form, is plural in this sentence. It should matched with a singular verb, ';live';


* ';together'; is unnecessary to the sentence


* ';Eat'; should be ';eat'; because the noun ';anyone'; is singular.


* ';has'; is sufficient; you don't need ';got'; after it.


* The first sentence in this paragraph should be rephrased. ';Fish live in bacterial, toxic chemicals, foul, mercury and other polluters...'; is a little bit confusing. Try rephrasing it to something like this: ';Fish live with many polluters, including bacteria, foul and toxic chemicals, and mercury...';





Some cases of mercury poisoning


A student of a football team was unable to catch a ball because he (delete ';eat'; add ';ate';) (delete ';to'; add ';too';) much of tuna flesh.


The Chicago Tribune, a (delete ';magazine'; add ';newspaper';), told a story about the little five year old Sofia who (add ';had';) troubles with sounding words she already knew and forgot (add ';how';) to tie her shoes. When she (delete ';stop'; add ';stopped';) eating tuna flesh , she went back to normal.


(Add ';The';) Chicago Tribune says: “Mercury can damage the central nervous system … Almost all the mercury that people are exposed to comes from eating fish.“





* ';Eat'; is in present tense, but you need ';ate';, which is past tense.


* ';to'; and ';too'; are confusing because they are very different words. I wish I knew enough German to explain this, but basically ';to'; is a conjunctive, with a similar meaning to toward, approaching. ';too'; can mean also and, ';too much'; means excessive or a lot.


* Add ';had'; to the sentence because there was no verb.


* Change ';stop'; to ';stopped'; because stop is present tense, stopped is past.


* Use ';The'; before ';Chicago Tribune'; because that is the name of the newspaper





Reason #3 The Environment


The populations of large fish species have dropped 90 percent over the last 50 years because of industrial fishing.


A 2006 report in the journal Science found that the oceans will be essentially empty of fish by the year 2048.





Many companies have now (delete ';turning'; add ';turned';) to fish farming , (delete ';an';) another environmental disaster . These cruel underwater farms (delete ';crimp'; add ';cramp';) (delete ';thousand'; add ';thousands';) of fish into small (';pelvis'; ?).





* Use ';turned';, the past tense form of ';turn';


* ';an'; is not used before ';another';


* ';crimp'; is a hair style; ';cramp'; is when a lot of things are packed in a small space


* use the plural form ';thousands';


* ';Pelvis'; is a human body part, I don't know if there's another word you meant to use but pelvis doesn't fit. Did you mean ';pool';?





I hope this helped and good luck! :)